The King of Pointland

Einstein

From today's Post:

Ernst Straus on ALBERT EINSTEIN 1879-1953

As an assistant to Albert Einstein, Ernst Straus was well acquainted with the physicist's personal foibles.

Often on our way to work, someone would waylay him, tell him how much he had looked forward to meeting the great Einstein. Einstein would pose with the waylayer's wife, children, or grandchildren as desired and exchange a few good-natured words. Then he would go on, shaking his head, saying, "Well, the old elephant has gone through his tricks again."

He was very fond of small children and animals. With children he would go through various tricks, making funny noises with his hands and wiggling his ears. In fact, his ability to wiggle his ears was the only accomplishment of which he would boast shamelessly and which he was quite eager to show off. . . .

I might mention here a good anecdote he told about himself. We were looking for a paper clip for a manuscript and finally found one too badly bent to be usable, so we looked for a tool to straighten it. In doing so we found a drawer full of perfectly good paper clips, and Einstein was just about to bend one out of shape when I asked him what he was doing. "If you hadn't been here, I should certainly have ruined this clip in order to straighten the bent one. This always happens to me when I get stuck on a problem."

Has everybody had a similar experience?

Hair today, gone tomorrow

Here follows a cautionary tale, for those who would recklessly announce their plans on the Internets.

Yesterday, during my lunch break, I walked with a spring in my step across Chapel Field over to good old Great Clips for Hair (the McDonald's of haircutting -- the exact same mediocre haircut every time you go). Imagine a Steamboat Willy-era Micky Mouse, but with more hair and smaller pupils. I was excited. I had washed my hair that morning and even used conditioner. The hair stylist was sure to be impressed.

I encountered a slight setback when I noticed the lights in Great Clips were out, and the furniture, the barber chairs, the furnishings -- everything -- was gone, except for some rubbish here and there. At first I thought it must be their lunch break, and I would have to come back, but then it hit me: they were closed . . . for ever. I saw a little sign in the window. It said:

After ten Great years, our lease is up. Great Clips for Hair is leaving this location. We thought it was time give another Great franchise a chance here. It's been Great serving all our Great customers, and please try these other Great locations ...

I stood there for a few minutes, staring at the empty store. I remembered abandoning the Campus Barber for Great Clips when they had their $2 haircut Grand Opening special. But that was only two or three years ago. OK, perhaps four. But ten years? Really?

Yes, it had been ten years.

Then I got misty-eyed thinking about what a great bunch of people ran the Great Clips franchise. Even though they were making money hand over fist, they left their location in the shopping center to give some other entrepreneurs a chance. What swell sports! Or should I say, Great sports.

At this point people started pointing at me and whispering, so I headed on over to the Hair Cuttery as I mulled over the weighty decision I was about to make. Switching barbers is a big step in a man's life, something one does two or three times at most, if one is lucky. Was I ready for this? Could I trust these people, the same people whose ad campaign is "Still N dollars" where N is not fixed? Loews Theatres should adopt this slogan, too. "Catch a movie tonight at Loews Cineplex: Still $9.50!" Then again, that woman in the ads on the side of the Metro bus is pretty cute, and she hasn't aged a day in a decade. What's her secret? The Hair Cuttery, presumably.

When I arrived at the HC, though, I was greeted by another sign! "We will open at 5 PM today due to a staff meeting." For just a moment I entertained the thought of heading over to "Bananas," but I decided I didn't want to have my hair cut at a place named "Bananas." And in any case, some supernatural force was sending me a message, loud and clear: no haircut for you. So I had lunch at the Bagel Place.

The cashier, who was very attractive, and female, too, said, "Wow, I love your hair, it's so unkempt and hot. What are you doing for the next 30 minutes? I live right around the corner, and my bisexual roommate and I have been thinking ..." If this were just about every drama on TV today, you'd hear a voice-over at this point, the cashier saying, "Sir? Sir?" and a cut to me blinking my eyes as I awake from my reverie . This isn't a TV drama, though, so I'll just conclude with a hearty "Sike!" I did go to the Bagel Place, though. That part was true.

Later that afternoon I grew angry and defiant. The gods would not thwart my tonsorial plans. To hell with them. So after work I went back to the Hair Cuttery where an unsmiling Asian woman cut my hair with robot-like efficiency.

The End.

Haircut

I plan to get a haircut this afternoon. Wish me luck.

Get it on

Thanks to castironskillet for bringing a particularly good batch of Get Your War On to my attention.

For those t0o lazy to click on that link, here are two, right now:

In the event that you don't obsessively follow the news, they're talking about this.

Upgrade

I have finally upgraded Movable Type, to version 3.121. I'm fee-ling heavy meh-tal. This required an upgrade to the only version of MT-Blacklist (a plug-in for catching comment spam) that works with MT 3.1. Sadly, it's a beta. If you notice any problems, please let me know.

P.S.: John, fix the time!

Bingo

Andrew Sullivan is sometimes an ass, but he nailed it on the controversy over Kerry's mention of the Cheneys' gay (gasp!) daughter during the last debate.

Freedom and Liberty on the March!

In December of last year, Pakistan's president Musharraf pledged to retire from the Army by the end of this year. Today, his party helped push through a law in the National Assembly to allow Musharraf to stay on as the chief of the army beyond December 31st.

This happened just one day after I finally received my October 4th issue of The New Republic (a week after I received the October 11th issue!) In this issue, Peter Beinart writes:

As far as I can tell, George W. Bush believes three things about his war on terrorism. First, it can only be won by promoting democracy. Second, the more integral a country is to the war on terrorism, the less principle number one applies. Third, moral consistency matters above all else.

Now, I watched the debate last night, and clearly Mr. Beinart can't be right. Our president assured us we can be secure "if we spread freedom and liberty around the world." Also, "[f]reedom is on the march." The president then clarified his attitude toward marching freedom when he confided, "I can't tell you how encouraged I am to see freedom on the march." He also made an important observation about our country: "We got great faith in the ability of liberty to transform societies, to convert a hostile world to a peaceful world." We do got great faith, Mr. President. We do got it.

My Stomache Hurts

Perhaps you've already seen this.

It's Time Machine Time

Would that I could send today's paper all the way back to the year 2002.

U.S. 'Almost All Wrong' on Weapons
Report on Iraq Contradicts Bush Administration Claims

The 1991 Persian Gulf War and subsequent U.N. inspections destroyed Iraq's illicit weapons capability and, for the most part, Saddam Hussein did not try to rebuild it, according to an extensive report by the chief U.S. weapons inspector in Iraq that contradicts nearly every prewar assertion made by top administration officials about Iraq.

Charles A. Duelfer, whom the Bush administration chose to complete the U.S. investigation of Iraq's weapons programs, said Hussein's ability to produce nuclear weapons had "progressively decayed" since 1991. Inspectors, he said, found no evidence of "concerted efforts to restart the program."

The findings were similar on biological and chemical weapons. While Hussein had long dreamed of developing an arsenal of biological agents, his stockpiles had been destroyed and research stopped years before the United States led the invasion of Iraq in March 2003. Duelfer said Hussein hoped someday to resume a chemical weapons effort after U.N. sanctions ended, but had no stocks and had not researched making the weapons for a dozen years.

Duelfer's report, delivered yesterday to two congressional committees, represents the government's most definitive accounting of Hussein's weapons programs, the assumed strength of which the Bush administration presented as a central reason for the war. While previous reports have drawn similar conclusions, Duelfer's assessment went beyond them in depth, detail and level of certainty.

"We were almost all wrong" on Iraq, Duelfer told a Senate panel yesterday.

Thanks to Maureen for this: Cheney: Weapons Report Justifies Iraq War. These guys are truly shameless. As I told her today, using instant messaging technology, "So basically, knowing what we know now, the president would have given an oval office speech like this:

My fellow Americans: The hour is dark. Saddam Hussein has been completely disarmed by the sanctions and is no threat to us today. But, should he succeed in getting sanctions lifted, he very likely hopes to attempt to acquire chemical weapons in the future, to deter an Iranian invasion.

For that reason, we are, as we speak, invading Iraq.

Thank you, and God Bless America.

Does the White House have a swimming pool? Is that where they keep the bald women? Remember to vote for the right party this November 2nd.

Dot worthy

It may not be front page worthy, but check it: Satellite Tip-Over Mishap Due to Missing Bolts.

Which Cup?

You come back from lunch with a hot cup of coffee. On your desk is a partially imbibed cup of coffee from earlier in the morning. Question: should you finish the first cup before starting in on the second?

Answer: No. You should drink the hot cup while it is still hot. You can drink the morning cup, later -- it's not going anywhere, and it won't be appreciably cooler.

Do otherwise, and you're setting yourself up for disappointment later on.