The King of Pointland

David's Rules for Stress-free Voting

Rule 1: Have a surname that falls near the beginning of the alphabet.

That's the only rule.

I went to my polling place around 1:50 PM, and the line stretched into the middle school lobby. After waiting about 15 seconds, a woman came out and shouted, "Anybody A through G? A through G?" Walking past all the suckers still in line, I felt like one of those rich bastards who buy the special passes at amusement parks so they don't have to wait with the proles.

She took me to the A - G table, where there was literally no line. After signing in, I had to wait two minutes for a machine. I spent that time pointing at everybody else, laughing, and shouting "Losers! Losers!" until the poll judge told me to stop.

Based on some feedback I've been getting, though, my precinct is an exception to the rule (pun intended).